“I Love You”
by softbookboi
Summary: Baz thinks Simon's gone to sleep and - without speaking - tells him he loves him in a very adorable way. But Simon isn't actually asleep, of course. basically, the first time they say "i love you" to each other [based off a tumblr prompt] br / [also, i know i'm bad at summaries, sorry]


Baz eyed his reflection in the mirror after brushing his teeth.

Simon was already in bed. He had already brushed his teeth and put on his pyjamas before Baz came. Before Baz was late.

They had made plans to get together at Simon and Penny's apartment at 8 o'clock since Penny was out tonight with her girlfriends and binge-watch the last episode of _Stranger Things _together, but Baz had run late. So late that they missed the program on T.V. _Stranger Things _started playing on a T.V channel recently, and Simon and Baz watched it together. But since Baz had run late, they were going to have to watch the finale of the season when it was played a few days later, as a rerun. Simon was obviously upset, since it was his favourite show, but told Baz it was okay, nonetheless.

Baz could tell that Simon was trying to hide his disappointment at missing the last episode of his favourite season so as not to make Baz feel bad. But Simon was fairly bad at trying to hide his emotions, and Baz could read him like a book. They watched a rerun of another show whilst eating dinner and after that, Simon proposed the idea of going to sleep. He had already changed into his pyjamas and brushed his teeth beforehand because he thought that they would end up binge-watching other shows after _Stranger Things _and finally go to sleep after midnight. So he thought he should get ready. At least, that's what he told Baz.

Baz didn't _mean _to be late. He just kinda lost track of time.

He was at the medical store, getting a couple of Band-Aids since he had gotten a paper cut. After he bought the Band-Aids and walked out of the store, he saw a convenience store right across the street and remembered that Simon had told him to get him some scones. Baz told him that the store didn't sell scones. Simon insisted they did. Baz said they didn't. Simon then shut Baz up by snogging him. They ended up getting accidentally walked in on by Penny, who threw a cushion at them and told them to cut it out. After they had stopped, Simon said, "Since I shut you up and you didn't argue any further, I won the argument. You have to get me scones from the store." Baz then pointed out that Simon had _shut him up,_ he didn't let him _choose_ whether he wanted to shut up or not, so there was no winner. Simon argued further that there was a winner, and that even if there wasn't, then Baz was gonna get his way anyway, since he wouldn't have to go pick them up. Baz smirked and said, "I know." Simon tackled him to the ground, tickling him so as to get revenge and Baz kept giggling and trying to pull away, but Simon was too strong. The brunette cackled and tickled further until he got hit in the head _hard_ by a cushion and both of them got a lecture from Penny to start behaving like adults.

This sudden memory striked up a warm feeling inside Baz. The same warm feeling he got whenever Simon was around him. The same warm feeling as the night of their first kiss.

Baz still remembered that night vividly. He had gone into a crazy suicidal rage and practically _threw_ fire at the surrounding trees in the forest they were in. Pretty soon, the whole forest was on fire and Simon was trying to make Baz feel better and put out the fire but it wasn't working. So he kissed him. And when Baz was out of his trance and home and finally asked him why he did it, Simon said that it was because he wanted to.

Ever since then, whenever Baz was around Simon, he'd get this weird warm feeling in his whole form. It was different than before. Before, Baz used to get tingles whenever Simon touched him, even if it was to punch him or push him. And he would feel hatred and loathing for himself whenever he hurt Simon by jabbing insults at him, insults he knew Simon took to heart. He'd only ever felt this warm feeling when it was late at night, and in his Watford room's bed he would admire Simon sleeping soundly, free of nightmares and Baz's jabs and the disappointing feeling that he couldn't control his magic even though he was the greatest mage ever and was to destroy the Humdrum. Baz loved how sometimes, one of Simon's curls would end up on his face, covering his closed eyes, and he yearned to reach over and push it away softly. He loved how peaceful Simon looked, how relaxed he was, away from the harsh reality of the real world. He loved how Simon sometimes gripped his pillow and nuzzled his face into it, curling up. It was those rare moments when Baz forgot that Simon and him couldn't ever happen, because of politicks and how Simon despised him (it was what he thought in those years) and just admired Simon's beauty. How beautiful he looked with the glowing moonlight scattered in the room illuminating his face. How adorable he looked when his lips parted and he started drooling a bit on the pillow. How dazzling he looked even when he was asleep with his hair all messed up and eyes slightly open, just enough for someone to see his azure orbs but not enough for him to wake up. Baz cherished these moments because it was only then could he let all his emotions and love for Simon that was hidden away during the day teeter to the edge and be visible. Baz always kept himself back from spilling it over the edge but it was those types of nights where he would finally admit to himself that he loved Simon Snow and not immediately remind himself that there was point in these feelings because they were never going to be reciprocated.

It was only those rare nights where he felt that warm feeling in his stomach only, and for just a few moments.

But now, he felt that feeling everywhere, in his whole body. And he felt it every time he was around Simon.

And it was _that_ moment, when he was standing in front of the convenience store, recalling his and Simon's moments and the other moments is his life when he believed that his feelings were unrequited, trying to distinguish what the warm feeling was, when he had a sudden revelation.

He didn't know why he was so surprised. He'd known this all through school, and accepted it in Fifth Year. He'd known this when he and Simon started that truce. He's known this when they had their first kiss. He'd known this when he graduated Watford. He'd known it all along and admitted it to himself. But suddenly, it felt like the most sudden thing ever, startling him out of his wits.

Maybe the shock was because _now_, they were actually together. Or maybe it was because it had been _so_ long since he last thought of it. He'd been too distracted by Simon and 'living in the moment'. Or maybe it was because after all the killing the Mage and shit, it felt like _this_ was a whole entirely different world, one where he'd never thought of this before or admitted it to himself. Baz didn't know which one these was, or if it was something else. All rational things escaped his mind, and the only thing swirling around his brain was "I love Simon Snow."

Baz let go of everything on his mind, ran into the store and asked for scones. When they said that they didn't sell them, Baz got in his car and circled the town, trying to find the bakery that had delicious strawberry scones, Simon's favourites. _His _Simon's favourite.

Baz went into a kind of trance (_again_) and was overcome by his consuming love for Simon, and the fact that Simon might love him back. He kept feeling that warm feeling - which was now identified as _love_ by him - as he drove, trying to find that_ one_ bakery.

Since it was so far from Simon and Penny's place, it took longer than he expected to get back to Simon's place in time. The episode had already ended. But Simon hadn't watched it without him.

Watching the slightly disappointed look on Simon's face, Baz instantly fell out of his sky-rocketed, optimistic mindset and started to doubt himself.

_He_ knew that he loved Simon, but did Simon love him? They had only sent a quite short time together, it couldn't be that easily possible. And Baz couldn't exactly _tell_ Simon that he loves him, that would be ridiculous. It would only freak him out and scare him away. Baz never really admitted to _loving_ Simon, he only told him that he wanted to be with Simon for a long time, almost since they met.

_He probably made the connection, since it's a fact that if you still have feelings for someone after 4 months, it means you're in love. But Simon's thick, really thick. He never even found out that I liked him until I actually flat-out told him. He probably doesn't know. Bunce probably knows. She's smart. But Simon...I don't think so, _he thought as he ate with Simon. His doubts in his and Simon's relationship only grew as he brushed his teeth and got ready for bed.

He shook his head to himself in the mirror, and headed out to snuggle with Simon.

Simon was already in bed, blankets already kicked off as - just like those Watford nights - the moonlight shone on his face. He was wearing Baz's white tee and some navy blue shorts, slightly curled into a ball. One hand was on his stomach, the other covering the space beside him where Baz was supposed to sleep. His knees where slightly bent, curved up and his bronze locks fell onto his face, a few strands into his eyes. His lips were parted as he let out softs breaths, slightly drooling on the pillow. His tawny appeared even more brilliantly golden when it was adorned by the luminescence of the night sky, the faint sound of wind _whooshing _and crickets chirping sounding in Baz's ear. Simon looked just as beautiful as he did all those years ago.

Upon the sight of Simon like this, Baz let the skepticism drop from his mind, and just revelled in the fact that he could call Simon Snow _his._

Baz slipped into bed beside Simon, picking up his arm and gently placing it around his own waist. He snuggled up to Simon and put his hand on Simon's arm. He nuzzled his nose in Simon's neck and thought about why he was doubting his and Simon's relationship. He loved Simon and he knew that Simon loved him too. (Alright, he wasn't completely sure - _it had been only a few months -_ but he didn't care. He knew Simon reciprocated his feelings, one way or another.)

But Baz was too much of a coward to say that to him now, or say it to him_ first._ He looked at Simon. He loved Simon, he really did. But he still had his insecurities about Simon loving him back, no matter how hard he tried to demolish them or ignore them. He cared too much about if Simon was getting bored of him or was just sowing some wild oats. His worst nightmare was confessing his love to Simon, only to have him not say it back or actually say it back but break up with Baz later on. He couldn't stand the thought of Simon breaking up with him. It would just confirm his suspicions of Simon never having actual feelings for him.

He shook these thoughts out of his mind, and pondered over whether he should softly whisper "I love you" to Simon right now, while he was sleeping.

Ultimately, he decided against it, because he wasn't dumb. Baz had watched movies and knew for a fact that these kind of things aren't real. The person whispering always thinks that the other person is asleep, but the other person isn't. The other person just _happens_ to be awake and hears everything the whisperer says and then afterward, its really awkward and embarrassing. Well, sometimes. Other times, it ends up in both of them happy, but since when had Baz's life been so kind?

Knowing better than to whisper and probably even wake Simon up if he was actually sleeping (which it seemed like he was since his pattern of breathing seemed even), Baz started _tracing_ "I love you" on Simon's arm again and again. He thought of all those nights in Watford, wanting to reach out from his bed and touch Simon. He thought of Fifth Year, when he was so deeply in love with Simon and was handling it terribly. He thought of their first kiss, how it felt like him and Simon were the only people in the world, the only things that mattered. He kept on tracing for a few minutes, specifically about 8-10, while baring a soft smile on his face. After he stopped, he brushed a strand of Simon's hair out of his face and proceeded to run his hands through Simon's locks. Bronze locks.

Baz smiled to himself once again and turned over, ready to go to sleep since he was actually tired, when Simon shifted in his position and spooned Baz, draping his arm around his face and softly kissing his neck, saying, "I love you too,"

Baz froze. "What?" he asked.

"I love you too," Simon repeated. Baz felt his insides glow with love and churn from nervousness. Simon turned him over to face him. "I could feel you tracing it on my arm." he added with a soft, groggy smile that made Baz want to go all gooey and mushy.

Oh.

"Wow," Baz started, "Guess we're reenacting the scene from those movies where someone says something to someone else while they're sleeping, but they're secretly awake so they hear everything." Baz chuckled, trying to seem nonchalant but failing since his chuckle was so obviously fake. He mentally slapped himself while Simon grinned.

Simon booped Baz's nose. "Hey, I _was_ asleep but then you came into bed and woke me up. Don't blame me." He kissed Baz's nose and Baz let go of the restraints.

He put his hands on Simon's cheeks, pulled his face towards him and peppered tiny pecks all over his face, saying "I love you" over and over again while Simon giggled like a little boy. Baz placed the last peck on Simon's lips and leant his face towards him, allowing their foreheads to touch.

"I love you," Baz whispered, eyes shining.

"I love you too," Simon whispered back and Baz felt his insides explode with _content._


End file.
